Psychology and Spirituality: Growing Up and Waking Up

As a psychologist and a spiritual director, I often find myself reflecting on and exploring the relationship between our spiritual and psychological growth. One way you can understand these is as our need to both 'grow up' - the developmental unfolding of our psychological maturity, and 'wake up' - the realisation of our deeper spiritual nature.

But what does 'growing up' have to do with our spiritual development and maturity?

Growing up - is about becoming a mature human being; learning to navigate relationships, emotions, and responsibilities with honesty and compassion. It's about the process of becoming a whole, integrated person, learning emotional regulation, developing empathy, and cultivating a coherent sense of self. It is so easy sometimes to by-pass this work, reaching for the light of transcendence to avoid the shadow of our wounds. I recognise this in myself whenever I try to 'stay spiritual' while quietly avoiding anger, grief, or fear. The spiritual by-pass feels comfortable at first, but eventually it leaves us ungrounded and disconnected.

According to Ken Wilbur, most of humanity is at one of several evolutionary stages in the process of 'growing up'. At each level of psychological development, we process and understand the world through a distinct 'lens' that both colours and limits or perception. If the spiritual life encompasses something about how we see the world and the life that meets us, day by day, than our 'seeing' is a reflection of our stage of personal development. In the Christian tradition, Jesus of Nazareth so often exhorts his followers to open their eyes, to overcome their 'blindness'.

Waking up - is about realising what we are beneath our stories, the timeless realisation of our true nature in God. This involves a shift in identity from the separate small ego to a recognition of what Paul Tillich, the Protestant theologian, calls 'The Ground of our Being'. Realising the open, aware presence that is always there - the Imago Dei - the divine in-dwelling already within. As St Catherine of Genoa (1447-1510) cried out as she ran through the streets: 'My deepest me is God.' That the God we seek is our very 'breath' itself, our innermost self.

'My deepest me is God' : Catherine of Genoa (1447-1510)

And, yet, without the grounding of psychological growth, awakening to our deepest nature doesn't necessarily make us wise in how we live, love, or relate to others.

The invitation, then, is to weave these two journeys together. Growing up helps bring tenderness to my own humanity, while waking up reminds me that my identity is larger than the struggles I face. Together, they invite a way of being that is both deeply human and gently transcendent.

As I continue walking this path, with myself and others that I am privileged to accompany, I find that the real work is less about 'getting somewhere' and more about allowing both movements to deepen: healing the tender places that call for love, while resting in the awareness that is already free.

This realisation was well understood by spiritual directors of the past. Long before psychology emerged as a distinct field of enquiry, their writings on the spiritual life reveal that these directors were among the most perceptive psychologists of their time. They recognised that psycho-spiritual dynamics, encompassing both 'growing-up' and 'waking-up', are key elements of the complex tapestry that makes up a person's inner life. They mastered the ancient art of interior navigation, comprehending the essential connection between a person's spiritual and psychological paths when offering guidance for the soul.