When the Spiritual Life Becomes Unsafe
- Anne Solomon
- 2 hours ago
- 4 min read
The spiritual life has never promised safety. To follow a path of truth is to risk loss, disorientation, and the gradual undoing of familiar ways of being. The Christian tradition speaks plainly of dying in order to live, of losing one’s life to find it, of descent before resurrection. Such language does not shield us from vulnerability; it names it. And yet, alongside this wisdom, the tradition has also insisted on discernment, accompaniment, and care — a recognition that not every experience of intensity is of God, and not every form of surrender leads to life.
There are times when the spiritual life, rather than deepening trust and freedom, begins to feel inwardly unsafe. Prayer may feel coercive rather than inviting. Silence may fragment rather than gather. Teachings meant to liberate may begin to override a person’s own inner knowing. What was once life-giving can slowly become a source of fear, pressure, or confusion. These experiences are often difficult to name, particularly within spiritual communities that value commitment, sacrifice, and perseverance.
Necessary Risk and Discernment in the Spiritual Life
It is important to say clearly: the spiritual journey does involve risk. Letting go of egoic control, opening to truth, and consenting to transformation can feel deeply unsettling. There are moments when faith takes us beyond what feels secure, and when familiar supports fall away. This kind of vulnerability belongs to the path.
But there is a difference between holy risk and unnecessary harm.
Holy risk unfolds within relationship, discernment, and time. It is accompanied, not imposed. It respects the pace at which the soul can integrate what is being asked of it. Unnecessary harm arises when intensity outpaces integration — when spiritual practices, teachings, or expectations move faster than a person’s inner world can bear, and when signs of overwhelm are ignored, minimised, or spiritualised.
The problem here is not depth. It is the absence of holding.
When Intensity Is Not Held
Across both ancient spiritual wisdom and modern depth psychology, there is an understanding that profound inner change requires containment. Experiences that dissolve familiar structures of identity, belief, or meaning need to be held within a relational and interpretive framework that allows them to be integrated rather than overwhelming.
When such holding is absent, intensity can become destabilising rather than transformative. Prolonged silence, rigorous practices, deconstructive teachings, or demands for radical surrender may be offered without sufficient attention to a person’s psychological history, resilience, or current capacity. Inner signals of fear, fragmentation, or distress may be interpreted as resistance, lack of faith, or failure to surrender, rather than as important communications from the soul.
In such contexts, the spiritual life can become unsafe — not because it asks too much, but because it listens too little.
What is needed here is not less depth, but a way of listening that honours what can be borne.
Signs the Spiritual Life Begins to Feel Unsafe
Often this shift happens quietly. People may struggle to articulate what feels wrong, sensing only that something essential has been lost. Some common signs include:
a growing fear of one’s own inner experience
prayer that feels driven by obligation or dread rather than desire
a sense of pressure to override doubt, emotion, or bodily signals
loss of inner agency framed as spiritual obedience
increasing isolation or dependency on spiritual authority
None of these, on their own, prove harm. But together, they may signal that the soul’s need for care, pacing, and relational holding is not being met.
The Role of Spiritual Accompaniment
This is where spiritual direction matters profoundly. At its best, spiritual accompaniment does not accelerate the journey or intensify experience. It slows things down. It listens for how the person is actually responding to what is unfolding, not how they think they should respond.
Depth-oriented spiritual direction —that listens for integration rather than intensity — offers a space where intensity can be held rather than pushed, and where inner signals of fear, resistance, or collapse are treated as meaningful rather than problematic. The task is not to remove risk from the spiritual life, but to ensure that risk is discerned, accompanied, and grounded in relationship.
Here, the director is neither instructor nor authority, but witness and companion — attentive to the movements of the Spirit as they unfold through the concrete realities of the soul.
Healing Without Rejecting the Journey
When the spiritual life has become unsafe, healing does not usually involve abandoning spirituality altogether — though for some, a period of distance may be necessary. More often, it involves reclaiming inner authority, restoring trust in one’s own pace, and rediscovering a God who does not coerce or overwhelm.
This kind of healing takes time. It unfolds through careful listening, relational presence, and a gradual re-inhabiting of the inner world. What was once endured can begin to be reinterpreted. What was rushed can be slowed. What was demanded can be consented to anew — or gently set aside.
In this way, the spiritual life is not diminished but restored. Depth is not lost, but grounded. And surrender, when it comes, arises not from pressure or fear, but from a place where the soul is sufficiently held to trust again.
Photo by Matt Palmer on Unsplash
